Celebrating Diversity

While there seems to be very little diversity within our university preschool classrooms, there is more to diversity than ethnic origin, skin color, or language. Have you ever stood in a grocery store check-out line and cringed as you child calls out for everyone to hear, "Why is that lady so fat?" We smile and applaud when a child says, "Your hair looks pretty today." or "I like your new dress." But we pale and reprimand when they make equally candid remarks that are not compliments.

Exactly why one child is quick to comfort a withdrawn, sad, or crying child and another chooses to taunt the same child is not clearly understood. However, we do know that it is possible to increase the awareness of diverse feelings in a child through discussion and role-play. When a child remarks such as, "Sally doesn’t like me," we can stop and reflect what is being said. "You think Sally doesn’t like you anymore." Your attention could then focus on a query of the behaviors or conversation that led to this conclusion.

Talking about differences, about the feelings of others, about what words make people happy and which ones make them sad helps a child begin to see the world from another’s eyes. Stephen Covey said the way to make people believe you care about what they are saying is to care about what they are saying. Here at the preschool words that cause pain are equally unacceptable to physical actions that cause another pain. When one child pushes another child, we stop the behavior and talk about the feelings—the feelings of the aggressor as well as the injured. When a child uses words that exclude or devalue another child, our strategy is very similar—we talk about the feelings of the child who has spoken as well as the child who has been hurt.

Aggression among siblings is related to the use of aggression with peers, both physical aggression and relational (words) aggression. At home, you can listen to the interactions of your children. If their exchanges include words that devalue or cause emotional pain, begin now to establish limits of emotional safety. Find a "garbage can" for the words your family no longer uses. Help your children understand that they can "feel" angry or "feel" like hurting another with words or physical pain and then develop more acceptable ways of diffusing those negative feelings—be creative, don’t forget humor or physical exercise.

Impulse control is one of the most valuable disciplines we can help our children develop. As adults, we can value every child, treat them with respect and kindness, and provide a safe environment where they can explore and grow without fear of being hurt or being allowed to hurt another.