Guidelines for Time-Out

Popular magazines and parenting seminars often promote time-out as a discipline tool but many parents find that time-out doesn’t always work. If you are frustrated with this technique, check yourself against these guidelines. Maybe you’ll discover ways to use time-out more effectively.

Use these guidelines
* Avoid using time-out for infants and toddlers. It is never appropriate to discipline children for behavior that is beyond their control and understanding. Young children should never be isolated or ignored. Instead, redirect or guide the children to more acceptable activities.

* For children older than 3, limit the frequency and time of this cool-down, calming period. Time-out loses its effectiveness when used more than a time or two a week or for more than two to three minutes at a time. The idea is to give children a breather - a time away from the business of the moment - to regain control and consider different ways of behaving.

* Make sure your expectations for your children’s behavior match their ability levels. A 2-year-old is not usually able to share a favorite toy, for example. It would, therefore, be inappropriate to discipline this child for selfishness. On the other hand, a 5-year-old can usually interact with other children well enough to control the urge to turn over a game board after a loss. In this case, time-out offers the child an opportunity to consider other ways to deal with frustration and disappointment.

* No guidance technique should be humiliating, threatening, or scary. Ridicule and isolation increase the likelihood of continued acting out. New research suggests that children who are harshly disciplined are more likely to act aggressively than those who are guided with loving attention and consistency. Remember, children imitate adult behavior. If you scream and humiliate, your child likely to do the same.

* Help your child work out feelings during the time-out. Many children benefit from a moment or two of quiet reflection but then need the continued support of loving adults to sort through the pros and cons of certain behaviors. Help children by talking calmly, asking questions, and being respectful of the child’s feelings. Ask,” Can you tell me some other ways you can handle this problem?”

* Always make sure children know why they are being disciplined. By your clarity and consistency, your children learn the behaviors that are acceptable to you and society. When you are unclear and inconsistent in your responses to behaviors, children are likely to repeat the behavior. For example, when 4-year-old August is punished on Monday for hitting his friend but praised for “standing up for himself” when he gets in a fight on Thursday, he is likely to be confused about when it is okay to hit. Or, if on Wednesday, Angelica sneaks a piece of gum form her mother’s purse and is put in time-out but on Friday her mother laughs at her sneaky behavior, it is likely that Angelica will sneak the gum again because she hasn’t yet learned her mother’s rule.

Guidance and discipline help children learn self-control and judgment. By following these guidelines, you can promote children’s self-discipline and confidence. Further, you can encourage problem-solving and decision-making that contribute to life-long success in social relationships.

(Adapted from Texas Parenting News, Guidelines For Time-out, in Texas Childcare Journal)