Making Time for Family

Most families today find themselves with the problem of not having enough time to spend with their children. Stephen Covey, the author of The 7 Habits of Effective Families (1997), notes that no family is free from this challenge in today’s fast-paced society.

He suggests seven basic and universal principles to follow to have “a highly effective family:”
1. Be proactive and responsible for making choices.
2. Have goals to shape your future.
3. Put first things first—have regular family times.
4. Think win-win to have understanding and cooperation, and to benefit all.
5. Try to listen and understand another family member’s thoughts and feelings.
6. Respect and value individual differences and build on strengths.
7. Establish rituals or regular family traditions.

When asked, “When will I have time to do all this?” Covey responds by noting how much time adults and children spend in front of the television and how that habit prevents communication. He says you may talk “love” and “family fun,” but if you never plan time together, then your lack of organization gets in the way of your goals.

A few suggestions are given for things we can do to make Covey’s seven habits a part of our lives. The first one is to take time to plan for time. Byalick and Saslow (1993) agree that finding sufficient time is the biggest challenge when juggling work, home, and family. They recommend establishing special rituals (secret handshakes, pet names) and creating specific routines (who picks up whom, where do we go after school) to avoid confusion and to build confidence. Plan for time together each day or on the weekend; go to a museum, visit the zoo or ride bikes. Planned routines instill a teamwork attitude in the family.

The second suggestion is to take time for the awareness of quality time. Gilbert (1983) advises us to think about how we can set aside a period each day to concentrate on our children, no matter how overwhelmed or tired we are. Such time does not have to involve a big event. Just sharing chores can make everyone feel closer. Quality time can also mean doing nothing except being together quietly.

The next suggestion is to take time to have two-way communication. Communication with children requires talking, listening, smiling and paying attention. To have a real conversation you must: be there; be quiet at times; listen with your voice, face, and body; ask open-ended questions; provide a role model of storytelling.

The fourth suggestion is to take time for family moments. Some of the most treasured times for children might last only a few minutes. O’Neal (Family Fun - 105 easy ways, 1995) offers 105 ways to make the most out of busy days, such as writing a message on a mirror with shaving cream and tucking a “Good luck on your test!” note into a lunch box or book bag. The goal is to seize moments during busy days to celebrate and enjoy being together. The Bennetts (Table Talk, 1994) offers 365 ways to reclaim the family dinner hour as a time to spend together.

The final suggestion is to take the time to realize how important the time you spend with your children is and then take the time to explore new ways to spend precious minutes or hours with them.

Spending quality time with your children will communicate love for them in a way that nothing else can.

(“Making Time for Family,” by Rita Newman. Childhood Education: Infancy Through Early Adolescence, Spring 1998.)